When I retired, my agenda was pretty simple. In the short term it was to get healthy again, both physically and mentally. That took a year or so.
Then it was to do all of the things I deferred because of work for so many years. That started out good. A little over a year after I retired, Sandy, Myself, and our 4 little furballs went on a trip to Texas. It took 6 weeks and we had the greatest of times and, in many ways, didn’t even want it to end.
In fact, on our return we bought a bigger, better Motor Home so that we could continue to travel the country; only in even more comfort.
But it was not to be. By the the dealership dragged it’s feet doing the warranty fixes, we id not go much of anywhere that summer or fall. That December, Sandy’s kidneys failed and we became somewhat homebound.
For the next 5 1/2, I became her caregiver. We did home dialysis. So, for 4 days a week, 5-6 hours a day, I helped her take her dialysis treatment.
Before anyone feels sorry for me; let me say I would have happily done twice as many hours every day of the week if it meant that she were still with me. It was not a chore.
Ultimately, Sandy passed away. Not from kidney failure but from heart failure. Her loss is beyond explaination, beyond belief. She was my everything.
Even 4 months later, I find it difficult to cope. Most troubling is the realization that I have no direction in life.
We had no children so I can visit or spoil (I am not looking for surrogates). I have no close friends now that Sandy is gone. I can mess around with my hobbies on and off as I have done. But the reality is that I sleep too much, watch too much TV, drink too much, and feel sorry for myself way, way too much.
I have to get another job, something to do. I havd worked since I was a teenager. Even when I retired, it wasn’t long before I got a job as a traveler, then as a caregiver. I must find something before I dry up and become dust.
