I know that Sinatra said he had too few regrets to mention. That isn’t me.
The reason I labeled this as Part 1 is because I will inevitably want to list more and more regrets.
My first regret: Not telling Sandy more often how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. I told her every day but I suspect that she may have thought it was rote on my part even though it was not. But perception is important.
My next regret was working so damned hard that we did not have time to really enjoy the fruits of our labors. I was always worried about working and saving for tomorrow to detriment of today. Part of that was my family history but, regardless, we both missed out in a better life.
My biggest regret: I was unable to have children (nothing was more shattering than hearing ”congratulations, your vasectomy was successful” when you had not had a vasectomy). I dawdled and procrastinated and did not do a damned thing (partially because of the BS ”fruit of my loins”, partially because of Sandy’s health, partially because I suspected we were not adoption candidates: actually because if alI ignored it, it would go away). The reality, upon reflection, is that we should have had a child! We would have loved that child. The child would have carried a piece of Sandy (and hopefully me) into the future. And I am not talking genetics: hopefully values and the expectations for the future.
So Sinatra: you got it all wrong; at least in my house.
