I know that I have dissed the concept of people who have little or no regrets. I still stand by that. I do not remember what I said before. Quite honestly, I did not look because I wanted to make this as honest as possible in the “now” without any reflection.
My biggest regret is somewhat ephemeral. I regret that I did not tell Sandy how much I loved her. I thought I had done right by that. I really did. However, since her passing I realize just how stinking inadequate I really was. She was my everything. Just typing these words bring tears to my eyes. I miss her so.
My second regret is not having any children. Hey, I found out I was shooting blanks. I drug my feet about in vitro fertilization and adoption until it was too late. My mental excuse as Sandy’s health problems. They did play into it but I have to wonder if my flipping ego was the biggest issue. I know that a child or children would have added so much richness to Sandy and my life, thus I see the selfishness. And, yes, being lonely may be a factor but not as much as you think – I have been alone most of my life. Thus, my regret is for the richness that we could have given a child and a child would have given us.
So – regrets. I have one hell of a lot of them!
